You Can Learn A Lot From A Second-Grader...

Since my last post, I've been really busy (by busy, I really mean lying around, watching pirated movies..ooh, Silver Linings Playbook, Django & This Is 40 are all SOOO GOOD!! I highly recommend them all- Christopher Waltz BETTER win best supporting actor for Django...his role was superb). Plus, we've actually made some good headway with the Pinewood Derby car (I'm surprised too, trust me)!

The thing that has (honestly) kept me the most busy is Ben.  He got his report card & although he got all "Satisfactories" in personal development (what??? You're kidding me), he got 2 "C's" (1 in math & 1 in language) & a nice little note in the "comments" section letting me (once again) that he has no attention span, can't stay focused, disrupts others & his "quirks" are causing behavioral issues. WOW....what a kick to the motherly groin! I KNOW my son's got his fair share of issues, but to hear (or read) someone else say (or write) them, it hurts.  It hurts bad.  It breaks my heart to look at him, knowing he IS trying..something is just not clicking.

I've been working extra hard with him on his self-control and on math & grammar facts.  He seems to be improving daily!  My mom taught me a lot about being a good mother, but she set the bar pretty damn high as far as the art mothering goes, so it's very hard to even come close to the outstanding job she did with my siblings and I.  Plus, our situation is very different.  Medically different.  Ben was diagnosed with slight Asperger's Syndrome (informally) by his former pediatrician, all his teachers have agreed.  This year ADHD/ADD has also been thrown around (although NO FORMAL DIAGNOSIS has been done- just educated guesses from doctors & teachers).  All that, plus, at seven years old, has been through a tremendous amount of shit no ADULT should even have to endure. 

If I've learned anything this past month, it's that I'm not the world's greatest mom....I'm far from it, but, I love my little stink and he loves the shit outta me.  I love him so much I would literally DIE for him.  I know, any good mom would say that, but when your dealing with my son, it takes restraint, control and nerves of steel.  Not many people (including his/my family, teachers & doctors) can deal with him for longer than a few hours without either calling me to come pick him up (family), have conferences about his behavior (teachers) or suggest testing (doctors), which, I HAVE done.  He's on Medicaid, so NO specialist wants to treat him or when we DO find someone willing to work w/him, they just tell me he'll grow out of it!  He IS very difficult to get through to and sometimes, you just can't!  It doesn't mean I've failed him as a mother, no, he'll love me unconditionally just like I do him.  It just means I have to come up with a different way to get through.  I've learned that by just breathing, stepping back and reassessing the situations, I, WE, can figure things out....together.  The way it should be.  He's taught me patience, acceptance, empathy and humor.  That sure, we're both gonna screw up, hell, I screw things up DAILY, but instead of beating myself up, learn to laugh at the little things.  He's taught me that I can do ANYTHING!  I am a strong mama who will do whatever it takes to see him succeed. 

So, all that being said, that's why I haven't posted the Tasty Tuesday edition featuring my favorite recipes.  Ben comes first.  He spent many years playing second fiddle to MY personal problems (my mother's death, my multiple bi-polar episodes, financial troubles, my father growing ill, me constantly being in the hospital, almost dying multiple times, losing 3 babies to ectopic & miscarriages, you get the idea).  But no more.

I've fully committed myself to being 110% there for him.  Emotionally, physically, mentally, basically the whole shebang.  I know there's gonna be so many days when all the blood, sweat and tears pays off, but I also know there's gonna be days where I'm ready to pull my hair out, days where I just wanna scream, but that's OK.  He's gonna be OK, we're all gonna be OK.

OK, I swear I'm not gonna bitch..

I had to take 11 days to recuperate after my last post. Whew! I was like a vampire on a deserted island- No blood-filled humans to suck dry! But, as time has passed, I've calmed down and have had some moments to myself to breathe.

I'm sorry for being so ape-shit cray cray on the 1st day of the year, but good God! I was an emotional wreck, lemme tell you! All things are better, my lil concentration camp victims hair is growing back nicely; I no longer want to castrate Karl and there's been no more arguments over commercials of any kind!

Ben's been signed up for little league (3rd year now) and started his winter/spring session of Cub Scouts last week. 
On his meeting Wednesday, they handed all the scouts a small box w/a block of wood, 4 nails and 4 small plastic tires....yippee!! Pinewood Derby time! (Can you just sense my enthusiasm)?  Now Karl and I have to figure out a way to have Ben's block of wood be faster than all the other kid's parents make their blocks of wood. 

Yep, I'm THAT mom, you know, the 1 who's kid has the nicest, most artist reports and projects? The 1 who in a weird sense is trying to make up for my craziness around the house w/stunning projects.  Well, carving wood is not in my arsenal of "project weapons". I'm clueless!  Karl's acting as if he knows what's up, but he doesn't have a fucking clue either!  I have visions of a Special Olimpics Pinewood Derby car....tires all fucked, paint chipping, wood all snagged and splintered.  It should be a real fun time!

I recently told myself (and the world wide web) that I would start exercising 5 days a week again and low and behold, I am actually sticking to it!  I'm pretty damn proud of myself for that because I also said I wasn't going to smoke either - I quit in September and did soooo good, until Christmas fucking day, I've been buying packs ever since.  So, this week, I'm giving it up again.  I have to.  I felt soooo much better when I wasn't choking down a Misty menthol 120.  Plus, my asthma is acting up and I KNOW that's the reason why. 

On the business end of things, Karl's been hard at work looking for work and filed for unemployment (I KNOW he'll get it).  I've been looking into ads and sponsors for the blog (if you want to advertise, email me).  Things are looking up.  I can't expect miracles to happen overnight, but we were dealt a horrible hand days before Christmas.  I expect him to be back out there working in no time at all. We will be able to manage as long as we quit buying Ben everything he sees!

I've also been doing a lot of cooking (pics on Instagram of my delicious meals) and I'm putting together a Tasty Tuesday edition of recent recipes for y'all (prob next Tues).

In closing, I hope everyone's first two weeks were great and hope your all sticking to your resolutions!  Here's some pics you may have missed on Twitter and Instagram of the fam and I.Until next time....

Peace, Love & Light,
Katie

Happy Friggin' New Year....

Why I'm NOT Gonna Let This Year Suck Ass (or will it??):

I thought about being all cheerful and chipper this morning, but as life will have it, that is just not in the cards for yours truly.  My morning started off with an epic argument w/Karl over a furniture commercial.  Yeah, you read that right, a fucking furniture commercial!!!  I swear to God above, this man of mine is completely insane!  I love him to death, but seriously, death is looking like a pretty sweet deal right now.  (OK, so maybe not DEATH, but a slow and painful castration would do him nicely).  Then, we caught Ben trying to strangle the dog!  Now, Karl's shaving Ben's head to look like a concentration camp victim!!  I told Karl to NOT do that, but since I talk in languages that are not spoken by the caveman that is my hubby, it went unacknowledged!  Great!  It's been a wonderful 2013 thus far and if this is any indication how the next 364 days will be, y'all are in for quite a blogging treat (by treat I mean my incessant ramblings and bitch-fests about my family).

2012 Re-Cap:

I thought it would be fun to reminisce about the past year, until I actually thought about all the shitty things that happened.  It then didn't seem so fun anymore, but, since I'm a glutton for punishment, here goes:

January started off good enough, I was pregnant with twins and life was great!  I was working as a director/principal of a small preschool (even though the owners were major ASSHOLES) and making good choices for the babies and myself.
February brought on complications with the twins.  One was tubal and the other one's heartbeat was faint-to-not-there.  Instead of getting my remaining tube and ovary removed, we opted for chemotherapy to "shrink" the tubal pregnancy.  I missed a total of 3 days of work due to the chemo & got bitched at sooo badly from my bosses, I miscarried the remaining baby.
March 2, 2012 I was asked to go home from my job after getting told I "lied" about my doctor appointments...I never went back to that joke of a school again.  I filed for unemployment, which the owners fought me on (they lied under oath to the appeals board, got caught & I won my unemployment - ALWAYS keep copies of time cards, Dr appts, etc for yourself - that's what proved them wrong).
April was a pretty boring month.  I had completed my chemo and was feeling weak, yet determined to get back into the swing of things again.  We took Ben to beaches and the Shell Factory and other places since the previous month was focused on my illness and recovery.
May was here and gone in the wink of an eye!  I started doing Pilates and focused on changing  the outside AND inside.
June was hot and sticky so we spent pretty much every weekend at the beach.  Sanibel Island was our favorite place to hit the waves.  The shells are also awesome out there!
July started out horribly.  I can't even write about it yet, for total and absolute fear, disgust, shame....I seriously can't really even think of anything, next to my mother dying, that's ever been worse!  All I can write is that, God sends his strongest solders to fight his toughest battles and I rose to the occasion and came out on top!
August is when dad was hospitalized.  That was the longest month of my entire life!  To sit in intensive care, everyday, thinking your dad is going to die....its something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.  It was horrible.  It was terrifying.  Not to mention his and Ben's birthdays are in August.  Ben had a good party (he didn't know I was crying the whole time, scared sick).  My family stuck together the best we could, my brother, sister and I were a united front (with a few breakdowns here and there, hey, we're siblings, we were bound to fight w/each other at least once, right) and decided if he was going to have to have the plug pulled, we would have to honor his wishes and do what he wanted.  Well, something made us try just one more thing, by month's end, he had a tracheotomy performed and there was talk of a rehab facility for him to learn how to breath w/o a respirator.
September dad was moved to Sarasota to the rehab hospital.  He made a super-quick recovery and returned home to his children, grandchildren and friends. His trach hole closed up and he started to walk again!  In honor of my dad's recovery and since I NEVER want Ben to have to go through that, I quit smoking.  YAY me!!
October was filled with candy, costumes and was a pretty good month!  I felt like things were slowly getting closer to "normal"  I was sticking to the No Smoking rule and felt damn good about it!
November had lots of food, folks and fun!  We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with the entire family at dad's house and nobody fought!  A feat worth mentioning!
December came and went in a flash...Christmas was awesome, but overall the month was just kinda blah.  I had facial surgery on my sinuses and teeth, Karl had an injury that landed him in the hospital and jobless and Ben caught bronchitis!  Merry Christmas, indeed!!

So, in closing, there's really no place to go but up for my family and me.  We're poor, pissed and ready for a change!  I'm more determined than ever to make something work for the unluckiest family on earth!  C'mon, 2013, lets DO THIS!!  I'm gonna stay positive and I'm NOT gonna let you get the best of me like I let your younger, dumber sister, 2012!!

Peace, Love, LUCK & Light,
Katie
(formerly known as the world's unluckiest mom)