For those who don't know, I took my dad to the ER on 8-6-12 for a belly ache & constipation. He's now in Sarasota, at a rehab hospital, weaning off a ventilator. He had to get a tracheotomy, he has multiple infections of the lungs and his intestines had a huge abscess that burst and was dumping waste into his body. He's had to undergo "drainings" & transfusions, poked, prodded and pricked. He's so drugged & confused. It hurts to see him like that and in so much pain.
I spent everyday with that man from the minute I took him until the day they transferred him last week. I bathed him, brushed his long, crazy hair, rubbed his feet & moved his joints, everyday, while he laid there, sedated. He doesn't remember anything. Where he's at, why he's there. I wish so badly he was able to come home with me. Let me nurse him back to health, I feel so helpless & I feel like maybe I should be doing more.
I can't afford to drive there everyday, nor do I have the time to invest yet another month, especially since there are 3 of us kids. My sis has been going on Tuesdays & my brother has a friend who lives 10min away so he stays on the weekends & I go Saturdays. I feel like that's good, none of us can really afford to be there more, plus my sis & I both have children of our own we have to take care of, families of our own now that extend further than the 5 of us, the core of the family unit for so long.
I feel like I'm the only one who really has a grip on that. Of course I love my dad, of course I want to be w/him everyday, but, I neglected my duties as a wife, a mother, a EVERYTHING at my own house, b/c i was so worried about dad for the whole month.....Ben's birthday was in August & was overshadowed by dad and his impending death or recovery or whatever the prognosis was that day. I need to "check out" from that environment for a while. It has emotionally & physically & mentally drained me of all my energies.
THAT'S THE BIG DILEMMA KEEPING ME UP @ NIGHT!! HELP ME!!!
How do you feel about caring for your sick &/or aging parents? Should I sacrifice more time away from my family (not to mention create unnecessary tension....whole 'nother blog right there!) & be with my dad more, even though i financially can't afford to drive a V8 Silverado that's around $80 to fill plus food & stuff more than once, MAYBE twice a week if i have to ~OR~ should I put MY family first, dad second?
I feel soooo guilty about even saying "putting my family first" but I'm a mom now, same as he was once in my shoes with his own father (who lived in IL when he died. I was 13, maybe). I just don't have any clear or easy answer with this one so any advice would be great!
SHOOT ME AN EMAIL email@example.com OR LEAVE A COMMENT BELOW & LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT AGING/SICK PARENTS
Ben comes home from my sis' house (1 house away), soaking wet, tears in his eyes. An older neighborhood kid (who we have had some issues with before) SPIT on his face & kicked him! He's 11 or 12!!
Sooooooo, do I do what I really want to do & go hunt down the little bully & scream & yell & cry & DEFEND MY BABY like a mother bear would do in nature, or do I let the boys sort these things out themselves? Why did NO ONE tell me about all the emotions involved with raising decent humans?! Which leads me to my **NEW ADDITION TO THE BLOG**
WHAT TO REALLY EXPECT - What the Dr's, Books & even your FRIENDS don't tell you!!
I have dealt with children for over 10yrs professionally now & have been around them my entire life & I'm sorry, but this is TOUGH!! Nobody told me how being a mom is being sentenced to emotional TORTURE.......FOREVER!!!
Now, that being said, I LOVE my son & LOVE being a mother. I would have more children & put myself through it over again in a minute. What I'm saying is that I wasn't prepared for the emotional roller coaster being a mom entails. My son is a handful & NOTHING has been "easy" by any means, but ya know what? He loves his mommy, he's kind to others, he uses his manners (when it counts), he does well in school, he's a cub scout & about to enter his 3rd year playing baseball (which he's AWESOME at). He excels in so many areas that those moments when I'm ready to cry or scream or both, I just look at his face and into those eyes & know that HE is my reason for living, HE is my greatest accomplishment & anytime I feel like I'm not worthy or good enough, I find so much comfort in knowing that the love that we share is unconditional. It's pure. It's like nothing I ever expected. <3
Leave me your "What to really expect" moment in the comments, or email me or tweet about it using hashtag #WTRE
Exciting New Extra's
I REALLY REALLY want this blog to take off & create a place where you can speak your mind (even if its horrible - no judgement here). Our job is the HARDEST job on earth, so we are all entitled to have a bad day or thought or even a meltdown every now & then. My hope is that we can all help each other & learn from mistakes & grow from our experiences together, as so many women did before us....We can all be strong, independent, smart & beautiful mothers, wives, sisters & daughters to each other, our families and the world. Lets take over!!!
Extra Extra Blog All About It....Coming Soon:
**New Fashion Blogs included in weekly updates, featuring an #OOTW (outfit of the week) so start snapping & send em in!!
**Nails, Make Up and Hair......how FAB is your "Mommy Style"? I've got the know-how on how to look great, even when you have NO TIME!!! I'm putting it to the stopwatch test!!!
**Parent/Teacher Conferences. I've been on BOTH sides of the desk & I've got the inside scoop on what teachers want & expect out of you AND your child.
....and many more but I just looked @ the time & I have kids to pick up!!
Peace, Love & Light,
***Soooo sorry if there are typo's....no time to spell check!