Hi everyone! I hope that everyone had a good weekend, mine was filled with cleaning and movies and what weekend would be complete without a bike ride to the park? Today is a Special Edition, I have a lot of things to tend to off-Island tomorrow so, I will be unable to post Tasty Tuesday. Since my recipe's get the most hits, I'm doing it a day early, rather than skip it or postpone til Wed. I don't want my schedule to be off, nor do I want you ladies to miss out, so I'm gonna do things a bit differently today. I am combining My Monday and Tasty Tuesday together for a jam-packed edition that will be sure to please not only your mind, body & soul, but your taste buds and belly as well!! Bon Appetite!
My Monday: Losing A Child & Almost Losing My Life: Double Whammy - Thanks Life!!
For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. When most girls are dreaming of college and careers and exciting bachelorette life, I was fantasizing about changing diapers and cooking for my husband. I didn't care about having an exciting whirlwind job that would send me all over the states or world, I had my heart set on settling down and having babies.
I got pregnant sometime in April 2011. I was taking medication during that time that not only messed up my menstrual cycle but had side effects that included nausea and weight gain so I had no idea!!
I woke up July 28, 2011 for work as usual. I started the coffee and had to sit on the couch....my stomach.....it hurt so so bad - a pain I've never had before in my life, so intense I could barely walk to the shower! I got in and as soon as that water hit me, something else hit me. I was going to fall over if I didn't get out of that shower quick! I dashed to the bedroom and was able to mutter out "Karl, wake up, somethings wrong". He shot out of bed just in time to see me fall over. I climbed into the bed and curled up into a ball. The pain was so intense I think I may have passed out - the details are pretty foggy. Two hours later and only after throwing up and having diarrhea, I told Karl I thought that we better go to the ER. We made it 5min before I had to have him pull over to puke or poop, I wasn't sure, I just knew I could no longer walk. We got to Bert's Bar, my friend worked there & he was able to help Karl carry me into the bathroom.
After driving maybe 5 more minutes, I went into shock. I only remember bits and pieces after that. I remember starting to hemorrhage, getting an ultrasound and seeing my dad (Karl had called him en route to the hospital), Ben and Karl before the ER staff whisked me away for an emergency surgery and blood transfusion. I just kept thinking why why why and trying so hard to stay awake: I had just seen a movie about someone going under for a surgery & the anesthesia didn't work & the guy felt everything, I was also afraid I'd die and Ben would be an orphan and I had also literally JUST found out I was pregnant! Just as quickly as we found out, it was taken from me.
I had a tubal pregnancy. The tube had burst since my child was four months old. I was bleeding internally and had lost a total of 4 pints, requiring me to have a transfusion, I lost my whole left side of my reproductive organs. I also lost the one thing that we wanted more than anything. I couldn't believe that it had happened, but have it happen to me?!?! It was so crazy, I just kinda blocked it out in order for my body to heal - I had to stay hospitalized for a few days, then I had 6 weeks of not moving. I would heal my mind later.
Little did I know, you don't heal from losing a child, whether you miscarry, have an ectopic, or lose the baby after birth, it's all horrifying and tragic and its not something any parent should have to go through. It rips your heart into pieces and hold your soul hostage. What if's start entering your mind, its a living nightmare. I try my best and just pray that my babies (yes, babies, read on...) are with my mom and waiting for Karl, Ben and I in heaven.
Its been over a year and my heart is still broken. Maybe it will heal someday but, honestly,I don't know that it will. Especially after the loss of twins in February. I found out weeks after conception and was ecstatic! A few short weeks later, I lost both of them. I had 1 ectopic and miscarried the other. I've never been so crushed - we had just went through this 6 months ago! How could it happen again?! Since the Doctors caught the problems early enough, after the miscarriage, they treated me with chemotherapy to shrink the pregnancy (upcoming My Monday will be about going through chemo & whatnot). Needless to say, Its been horrible to go through as far as physically - it does a number on your body and emotionally, whew! I have good days and bad days - I can't really expect too much more than that, baby steps. I won't give up trying or give up hope. I was meant to be a mother and where there's a will, there's a way.
Recipe of the Week: My Meatballs
Prep time: 10 min Cook Time: 20 min
1lb of Ground Beef of your choice (sirloin, top round, whatever you prefer)
1/4 cup crushed New York Brand "Texas Toast" Croutons in Cheese & Garlic flavor
1/4 cup grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup diced green peppers
1/4 cup diced onions
|Browning Meatballs over Med Heat|
|Simmering in the Sauce!|
My Adventures: Ben and His Mommy
Ben was fully-attached to me this weekend (which is FINE with me), so I thought I'd share a few collages and a pic from our adventures. My mini-me and I traveled to the oh-so-scary Halloween City Saturday and topped our day off with a park adventure!
All these pics were taken at Phillips Park right here on Pine Island. The ones of me were on a curly slide. It was surprisingly fast for a children's slide, but fun! Ben is the perfect play-mate to any kid of any age (even 34 year old kids)! The picture below is one from Halloween City; I
have more but I'm saving them for my Halloween Pictorial Post at the end of the month.
|My Little Snake Handler|
Hope y'all enjoy and don't forget to follow my adventures on Twitter and Instagram! I have included the links below to get to both from right here!
http://www.twitter.com/@mizzkaties <------- This link is to Twitter
http://www.instagram.com <---------This is Instagram (you must download to your phone using the Google Play store on Android or App Store for IPhone)
Comments and emails are always welcome - I can't give you what you want if I don't know what it is!!! Let me know what you think so far, could it be better? What do you, the readers want?
OK, so, tomorrow, no post, I'll be back to work on Wednesday, with an all-new edition of What to REALLY Expect. Talk to y'all then, have a great Monday and a Tasty Tuesday!
Peace, Love & Light,